


On Giving Bad Advice

by TheDarkestDandelion



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad Advice, Diners, Embarrassment, Family Bonding, Family time, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Love, Noctis Lucis Caelum is a Dork, Parental Advice, Regis Lucis Caelum is a Troll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:49:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29725122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDarkestDandelion/pseuds/TheDarkestDandelion
Summary: Noctis goes to his dad for a bit of fatherly advice on how to get out of doing stuff that his shield has 'asked' of him and gets a little more  - or less depending on how he looks at it - then he bargained for.
Relationships: Noctis Lucis Caelum & Regis Lucis Caelum
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	On Giving Bad Advice

**Author's Note:**

> Look I said I was going to do the last chapter of Forest Full Of Fears.... well, my hand is in a lot of pain at the moment and it is distracting me and preventing me from doing a lot of stuff and the moment so I have decided to give you humour, cause at least it distracts me from the pain. 
> 
> This is why I have lacked on the update department XD 
> 
> So have fluffy Regis and Noctis bonding fic instead! 
> 
> Please enjoy! XD

Noctis slumped in his chair, sitting across from his dad at the dinner table, his face full of thunder as he glared down at his dessert. He had been in a mood all day, ever since Gladio outsmarted him and got him to train an extra hour in the morning. 

Noctis didn’t understand it. 

He was meant to be the one who was in charge, right?

So why the hell did Gladio fail to listen to him? It pissed him off so much that he had been practically silent all throughout dinner and had very little interactions with both Ignis and Prom today. Unfortunately, because he was in such a bad mood his dad was suffering from his internal rage too because he was only replying to the man with small unnecessary sharp grunts and pointed sighs. 

Noctis looked up from his dessert and to his dismay his dad looked… kinda sad. 

_Shit._ Noctis thought to himself pushing his bowl away from him. He didn’t mean to make his dad feel bad. 

The Prince cleared his throat, getting his dad’s attention immediately with a small smile.

“Sorry dad…” Noctis said in a small voice. “I… Gladio pissed me off, that's all. I am not trying to be a moody teenager.” 

When he saw the relief spread across his dad’s face, it warmed his heart to know his dad wasn’t now swarming in guilt and thinking about all the things he had done in the little time they had together to piss him off. His dad really was a worrier. 

“Well, I am afraid Noct, that is what your shield is there for.” Regis said, humour riding his tone as he too gently moved his bowl to the side. 

“Yeah but I didn’t want or need to do training today…” Noctis whined, resting his elbows on the table to further slouch in his seat. 

Regis laughed. “I know exactly how you feel on that score.” 

“You don’t train anymore though.” 

“Do you think Clarus hasn’t got a whip out making me do all my royal duties when I would rather much stay in bed?” 

“Really? Even though you’re the King?” Noctis asked, a little surprised by his statement. 

He knew his dad would never abuse his power, like ever, but at the same time he was still under the impression that what the King says goes. Everyone listened to his dad. From Cor to Drautos, to the council to the servants, to the guard to the glaive, so why the hell didn’t Clarus listen to his dad?

It was a strange concept to grasp.

“Do you think it matters if I have a crown on my head or not?” Regis asked, shaking his head. “On the contrary, Clarus’s job is to make sure I am protected and do my own job properly. Which includes making sure I sign paperwork, go to meetings, wake up on time… but the point still stands. When it comes to being practical he will always tell me what to do.” 

“I bet no one dared tell grandad what to do.” Noctis huffed out rolling his eyes. 

“Yes, but grandad was a literal psychopath, Noct. Not even my own grandfather could tell him what to do and when he tried… let’s just say it was better that you weren’t around to hear or see the fallout of those conversations.” Regis said using the word conversation loosely, and Noctis could visibly see his dad shiver at the thought. 

Noctis decided to move on pretty quickly from that conversation. 

Anyway, this wasn’t about his grandad, this was about finding a way to get out of training with Gladio and not being tricked into doing it anyways. 

“Well, you have known Clarus your entire life, got any advice on how to get out of things? I could sure use it.” Noctis asked, giving his dad puppy dog eyes. 

Regis smiled warmly at him. “Of course, my dear. Care to follow me to my study so we can talk in private.” 

Noctis got out of his chair and rushed over to his dad to help him up instead of Regis accidentally hurting himself by getting up too quickly. He handed him his cane and allowed his dad lean on him as they traversed through the dimly lit Citadel - of course with a group of guards following close behind them, they could never make a single movement without someone knowing about it could they? 

Noctis liked the Citadel at night. 

The lights were dimmed down so there was this orange glow plastering the walls, which was accompanied by the blue hue of the moonlight. It was quite peaceful and it reminded Noctis of his and his dad’s fishing trips they would go on when he was younger. 

How much the prince would love to relive those moments where he was a care-free kid who knew nothing of the threat of daemons and when he had more time with his dad. In his youth, Regis spent more time with him because he needed a parent in the spotlight to teach him right and wrong - mainly because his mother was no longer there to do it - and to provide him with emotional support. Noctis knew for a fact if he asked, Regis would provide him with that now but he didn’t want his dad to ever get bogged down with running the kingdom because he begged for a day where they could spend time together. 

Friday evenings would just have to do. 

When they got to the study, the guards remained outside and Noctis made sure that his dad sat down on the comfiest sofa in the room and propped his leg up for him. He may be being a tad cautious but when it came to his dad’s health Noctis would always go that extra mile to make sure he was comfortable. 

“Thank you.” Regis smiled before pointing towards his desk. “Would you mind being a dear and getting the file out of my top desk drawer? It should be the file on top.” 

“Sure.” 

Noctis did as he was told and when he opened the drawer his heart sunk and he felt numb. 

There was a black file glaring at him and in gold writing the file read: 

_‘King Regis Lucis Caelum CXIII: Last Will And Testament’_

Noctis suddenly felt very cold and forced any pain he had over seeing that down within his gut. He did not want to think about his dad’s death. Not now. Not ever. But he also felt very angry. Did his dad seriously make him get this file out so he knew that he was writing-

“Are you alright, Noct? The file should be labelled _M. G. P. L._ Can you not find it?” 

Noctis shook his head at his dad’s words and quickly sifted through the rest of the files, very relieved that his dad had seemingly forgotten he left that file in here because he wasn’t having that conversation tonight. 

Once he found it, Noctis placed the green file in his hands and smirked to mask his pain that was still raging inside him.

“ _M. G. P. L_?” 

Regis chuckled opening the file up as he explained himself. “ _My Greatest Pranks List._ Clarus goes through my things. I can’t exactly have all my tricks in plain sight. He’ll know how to avoid them.” 

Noctis nodded and sat down on the sofa closest to his dad, breathing out slowly as the crackling of the fire broke the silence that fell between them. The prince tried to focus on the sound to distract himself. He may not want to think about it but when he put this file back for his dad he was putting the other one at the bottom of the drawer so his dad didn’t know he knew what he was writing. 

Fridays were meant to be happy times between the pair. Not ones of sorrow. 

“Found it.” Regis proclaimed, whipping out a sheet of white paper before plonking the rest of the file next to him. “Here you are son. All you need to know on how to avoid doing things. Or my other name for it; convincing your shield to let you do what the hell you like!” 

Noct took the paper out of his dad hand and read through the first point carefully. 

_ 1. Tell them you aren’t doing the thing they have asked you to do: _

Noctis scowled. “You think I didn’t try the first part?” 

Regis sighed. “You didn’t even read through the points did you?” 

Noctis rolled his eyes at being caught out and decided to humour his dad. He was giving him advice after all so he couldn’t really complain. 

_1\. Tell them you aren’t doing the thing they have asked you to do:_

  * _Like that will work cause your shield is clever and will outsmart you politically cause that is their job_
  * _Even though you should win cause you outrank them… but they are clever bastards!_



That would explain why he didn’t listen to me… Noctis thought to himself. Gladio was in fact more politically sound than he was and had passed all his exams; even if he was home-schooled, and he got better grades then he. Noctis could see why outsmarting an Amicitia proved to be a challenge. 

Eager to find out more ways to outsmart his shield though, Noct read on. 

_2\. Whine and moan about it:_

  * _3 out of 10 times this will work, especially if it has been a long hard day and they are done with your’s and everyone else's shit._
  * _However on the 7 out of 10 times, they will whine back at you and show you how annoying you are currently being… I have learnt step two hurts my feelings more than anything else._



“No offence dad, step two probably hurts because you are a sap.” Noctis giggled.

Noctis didn’t get a response to that, just a pout. 

_3\. The silent treatment:_

  * _This has worked for me once… but by all other accounts it fails._
  * _Your Shield will end up sighing deeply, locking the door so you can not leave and then will claim that the door will remain that way until the work is done._
  * _Amicitias don't like being ignored._



Noctis had already learnt that one the hard way himself….

_4\. Half arse the work:_

  * _Only do the bare minimum until it is dinner time or bedtime because they aren’t going to let you starve to death, surely!_
  * _That is where you’d be wrong!_
  * Sometimes they are evil and don’t care if they can hear your stomach grumble. However, if you are that hungry they will order your food to be taken up to the room you are currently being held against your will in, so you can eat there.
  * Sleeping however… you can say goodbye to that unless you can think of another way to get out of this hell. 



“Dad…” Noctis whined. “None of these have ended in success.” 

“That is where you are wrong, My Night Light.” Regis said with pride. “You must keep reading.” 

“But reading is boring…” Noctis said, bowing his head in defeat. If he wanted to read he would have actually gone to that meeting that Ignis told him he must have attended today. 

“So is being King. Especially if your shield is being a pain. So read.” Regis ordered. 

Noctis shook his head and decided to just give in to the man’s wishes. Even if all the advice was utter crap. 

_5\. Climb out of the window:_

  * _If you are lucky enough you will give them a heart attack and they will have to let you leave!_
  * _Or they could be surprised enough at the lengths you will go to get out of said work and give in to your wishes_
  * However, they have grown up with you and that is very unlikely to happen…



Noctis laughed. “You climbing out of a window?! That I’d love to see.” 

“I’ll have you know, young man, in my youth I was a force to be reckoned with.” Regis pouted, crossing his arms over his chest like a five year old would do. 

Noctis of course did not doubt his dad’s words. His bedtime stories always consisted of his dad's adventures when he was a prince. Him and his entourage were not a group even the Niffs dare trifle with. That might have been because they had both Cor and Clarus in that mix, but according to the history lessons he was forced to sit through, his dad was a total badass too. The Founder’s Day massacre proved that. So him climbing out a window was not too unbelievable but not now… 

“If you tried it now Clarus would catch you before you even got out of your seat.” 

“Yes, he would and has done on multiple occasions.” 

He loved his dad. He was so fucking weird and stubborn sometimes. 

_6\. Bring Cor into the equation:_

  * _However this depends on what mood our spitfire is in on any given day._
  * _If he is in a bad mood DO NOT TRY IT!_
  * _If he is in a good mood however… it will buy you at least an hour of relaxation because your shield and Cor will end up arguing so you can do what you like!_



Noctis raised an eyebrow at this piece of advice. 

Yeah… he’d never bring Cor into it. His dad may have the privilege of Cor the Immortal’s leniency, but Noctis did not! The Marshal would more than likely stand there, stare at him and then in the most cold voice ever tell him to get the fuck on with it. 

So asking Cor, no matter the mood, was out of the question. 

_7\. Warp strike out of there!_

“Finally dad! Number 7 actually makes sense!” Noctis praised him, wanting to skip the notes and go straight to number 8. 

“Read it, Noct.” Regis said plainly. 

Noctis didn’t like the tone his dad was using. 

_7\. Warp strike out of there!_

  * _This worked for me in my youth more times then Clarus will care to admit._
  * _However, I can’t do it now…. You might have better luck!_
  * _But if not Noctis, expect a long lecture and more training as punishment and very early mornings. Shields are daemons like that._



A horrible feeling washed over the prince. It was no lie that Gladio was stronger than him and maybe when he was feeling lethargic, faster than him too. Plus, getting away from Gladio didn’t really matter. The horror would be if Gladio told Ignis which he knew for certain he would if he warped his way to safety. 

Noctis gulped at the thought. 

Getting a lecture from Iggy was more terrifying than getting one from his dad. 

“That is also why I never did it much. Weskham was mean to me so many times.” Regis said uncomfortably. 

“It’s a good thing there are 10 points then.” Noctis laughed nervously, hoping one of the last lot would not get him into trouble with Ignis. 

_ 8\. Reminisce about old times: _

  * _They may fall down into the trap of the sweet plague of nostalgia and delve into your cunning plan._
  * _If not… prepare for another hour deducted from your sleep time_



If that was the punishment Noct was not ever going to try that one. 

_9\. I can’t believe I am giving you this advice…. But seduce them??_

  * _Might not be your thing but it works for me about 80% of the time…._
  * _I am just going to stop right there._
  * _Sorry son :(_



Noctis’s eyes nearly popped out of his head and he turned bright red with embarrassment. 

He did not need to know that! 

He carefully shifted his eyes to look at his dad and when he saw the shade of crimson present itself on his dad’s face… there didn’t really need to be anymore said on the matter. It was his dad’s private life and one Noctis really wished he was not privy to. 

“Son…” Regis said carefully, but stopped talking when Noctis raised his hand. 

“Don’t. Please.” Noctis begged, closing his eyes. 

“Sorry.” Regis squeaked out. 

“It’s… fine.” Noctis said, only slightly mentally scarred by that revelation. 

Although… he did have to admit that Gladio was rather attractive… so the advice wasn’t so bad but it was not something he ever wanted to find out about his dad and Clarus. He may need brain bleach just to sleep tonight. 

Wanting the awkwardness to go away, Noctis quickly read the last part. 

_10\. Finally… give up:_

  * _It may sound stupid but seriously hear your old man out._
  * _If all else has failed and you suddenly give up they will feel so bad and allow you the rest of the day off._
  * _There is no point trying it until after you have executed and failed all previous steps because they will not cave._
  * _Works every time :)_



“Really? This works?” Noctis exclaimed, the flush in his cheeks starting to simmer down. 

“That it does. They feel so guilty.” Regis laughed nervously, very happy Noctis had decided to ignore number 9. 

“I hope you realise there are like 3 points on here that could work right? And the rest is total rubbish.” Noctis smirked, handing the sheet back to his dad.

“Keep it, it’s yours.” Regis said, not accepting the paper. “What can I say? I am not the brightest Caelum that has ever lived.” 

“Yeah but you're my dad, so that makes you the best that has ever lived.” 

The moment Noctis saw tears form in his dad's green eyes, he stood up and gave him a massive hug to prevent a waterfall. His dad quickly wrapped his arms around him and held on tight as he sniffled away his happy tears, making Noct laugh. 

He may be a sap. 

He may give terrible advice. 

But Regis Lucis Caelum was his dad and he would never change him for the world. 


End file.
